Tuesday, 31 January 2012

What do you want to be?

Back in grade 6 or 7, some kids went around to all our classes with some survey thing asking about what we wanted to be when we grew up. I remember sitting in class hoping I wouldn't get called out before lunch so that I could have some time to think about my answer. Each time they came in, I would be sitting there feeling like I was about to get kicked in the gut, and then they would say somebody else's name and I would feel the relief wash over. Until they walked back in about 15 seconds later. Eventually, of course, it came to my turn. They took us out onto the verandah where we kept all our school bags so that we wouldn't get embarrassed about our chosen profession or whatever. My only thoughts were 'Shit. I don't know. Shit. They're about to ask me. Shit!'

Anyway, the anti-climactic ending to the whole situation is that I didn't figure it out in time and ended up copying my best friends answer, even though it was something I knew that I would never be and honestly didn't really care about.

I think back to that day occasionally and curse myself for not just picking something I might have been interested in, or actually spending the time I had thinking about what it was that I really did want to be, instead of spending the whole time freaking out about not having enough time.

I guess it doesn't really matter that I didn't have enough time, I never would have had enough time. To be honest, I still don't really know what I want to be. I know that I want to do some sort of film or illustration or some shit, something to entertain and share with people, and that's close enough for me right now. I figure I just work on that part and the rest will eventually start falling into place.